He pivoted toward the stands, toward Daiana and his family, and, with a smile on his face that could be seen from the stands, pointed both index fingers to them. Not just in baseball but with Daiana. Don't mistake that for glorifying what he did. In an early-spring meeting with manager Gabe Kapler, president of baseball operations Farhan Zaidi and general manager Scott Harris, he said: "I struggle with self-confidence a lot." . This is his process. San Francisco Giantsis back in the game after battling a bout of depression, Drew Robinson and fiance Daiana Anguelova, Red Sox baseball star Christian Vazquez gives eye injury update which nearly left him blinded. This was not going to be one of them. He didn't question it. Drew spoke with friends and family, with his therapists. "I had my first passive suicidal thought, which really scared me: 'I wish I was successful. With stories of thanks and plaudits for his courage and admiration for his fortitude and love for who he is. Stream on Now, it had been heated and cured and glimmered with all the life of his left eye. He didn't bother looking at the messages. They talked. He accompanied them to tell Renee. He jumped into his truck, planning to drive to a nearby park where he had settled on doing it. A guy shoots himself in the head and lives for 20 hours? Jeff Passan joins ESPN Daily to discuss his exclusive reporting on Robinson's journey. ET on ESPN, and is available now on ESPN+. This was why Alexander joined the Giants last year: to emphasize the importance of mental health the same way organizations typically do physical ability. His sister, Britney, and brother, Chad, found him a tagalong and an annoyance, the archetypal little brother who just wanted attention and love. After battling with depression for years, former Giants minor league outfielder Drew Robinson attempted suicide on April 16th, 2020. It missed the sinus' major arteries, which, if struck, could have caused catastrophic bleeding. The Giants were offering Robinson a contract with an invitation to minor league spring training. The San Francisco Giants signed Drew to a non-guaranteed minor league contract on Jan. 6, 2020. 445 following. IN EARLY APRIL, as his comeback started, Drew called Daiana a few times and said, "I think I'm done." The beginning of spring wasn't going as planned. With this one batting practice home run, he could reverse that trend. Drew Robinson's Partner: Wife Diana. For two decades, he hid his pain. As Drew sought his purpose, she was losing hers. He wouldn't be in the same clubhouse as the big league players. Himself. Everyone replied. He called Daiana a few times in early April, according to ABC7, saying, I think Im done. No way was he going to let a stranger into his son's house to see the vestiges of his worst moment. "And I think it's a beautiful thing, and it's a powerful thing. "I love baseball. There was another. He returned May 28 and was sent down May 29. "Don't say anything," Darryl said to Drew. She said yes. Robinson and his fiance Anguelova would marry on November 14, 2020. AT 7 A.M. on April 17, Drew woke up, and the pain finally hit. He was one of the best hitters in the National League. "I've had realizations happen these last 12 months that I've been through it before. He texted Drew's phone. "It was totally paralyzing," Drew says. It devastated him. He didn't have an alcohol problem and didn't want anyone to surmise otherwise. The messages were from Darryl. He grabbed a dirty towel. He wasn't putting in the necessary work to stay healthy. Drew loves to use the word "powerful" -- about his story, about his experiences, about his lot in life. She comforted him as he shuttled between the major leagues and minor leagues. He wore a mask with a Giants logo. Watch on. In the background, Britney heard a nurse ask for his phone and wallet. He remembers asking himself questions. The pain meds that made him woozy. Lives in Sacramento, California. For Daiana, there was something magnetic about Drew, even if the two weren't an obvious match. She called a cousin with whom she's close. It was Opening Day for the River Cats, and Drew did his best to hold it together. Drew's right eye was beyond repair. Drew struck out on six pitches. I was like, 'Wow. Find out more about how we use your personal data in our privacy policy and cookie policy. They buoyed him as he started to make solid contact, as he remembered what it felt like to be a ballplayer. This spring would be one giant outfield -- Drew, by himself, outside of the cocoon he and those around him had created, for the first time since April 2020. Drew hammered it over the center-field fence. No small talk. But not here, not now, not when vulnerability is something all of the Robinsons have adopted. "This opportunity wasn't just given to Drew," Zaidi says. Drew doesn't remember what he said. "Most people in this situation, when you tell them what happened, think, wow, that's great. Chad wiped the floors. Even as Drew continued therapy sessions, they didn't rid him of his worst thoughts. Their presence was the best, though what Daiana had done earlier in the week came close. Instead, he was told that he should keep his prepared comments to 10 minutes, if he wouldn't mind, and that the meeting was an all-hands for the entire organization, and the same panic Drew would feel three days later with the line drive washed over him. He had been told by his uncle, Drew's former agent, who had heard from someone with the Cardinals, who had been told because Drew was on their insurance. But they got back together again and thrived ever since. He called Daiana a few times in early April, according to ABC7, saying, I think Im done. While he was in the hospital, he had a similar conversation with Renee. Diana is the fiance of Drew Robinson. She said yes, and so they set up a wedding date. He could pull the trigger. "I wanted to feel the power. Just him and his thoughts that had built up for two decades. Drew didnt want to be rude, so he wondered whether she wanted to write something. She asked what happened. The boys went to live with Darryl. Log In. And now, with those closest to him there -- his parents, his siblings and his best friend, Daiana Anguelova -- he'll be where he belongs: playing professional . Drew proposed to Daiana shortly after he joined the St Louis Cardinals in December 2018. When it didn't live up to that, we really questioned everything we were doing.". He called everyone -- Daiana, Darryl, Renee, Britney and Chad. The doubt, the fear, the negativity -- it was all for naught. "Get up," Drew said, quieter than the others. He returned again April 15 and was demoted again April 16. And that's what I thought: It would be better without me. "Second-guessing myself. WHEN MENTAL ILLNESS infiltrates the mind, it refuses to relent. Drew proposed to Daiana shortly after he joined the St Louis Cardinals in December 2018. Like nothing," Britney says. Then an awful feeling washed over him. He knows that. After two years of dating the couple split up. "He said, 'I don't know why you like me,'" Daiana says. They live in an America in which an estimated 1 in 4 adults suffer from a diagnosable mental health disorder. It was a perfect day on what was supposed to be a perfect day: Nov. 14, their wedding date. He never relayed a single one out loud. The real story -- the important story -- is what happened after: every minute he's alive, moments good and bad. He opened a text message. Then he broke up with her again. Britney happened to be approaching the highway exit for UMC Trauma. Drew would talk to himself in the first-person plural, as if there were an ever-present companion who shared in his misery. Every morning, he wakes up and drinks an oversized bottle of water and a green smoothie. He never made it back. He decided this would be a fresh start. Home TV & Movies Who is Drew Robinson's girlfriend Daiana Anguelova? If he weren't as mentally strong as he is now, there's no way he'd be able to do this physically. Drew's family knows the facts. Only one man has lost an eye and played in the major leagues: Whammy Douglas, who threw 47 innings for the Pittsburgh Pirates in 1957. Drew proposed to Daiana shortly after he joined the St Louis Cardinals in December 2018. Antiques Roadshow guest snaps at expert amid valuation Shouldnt have brought them here!, Love Islands Danica turns her attention to Davide and tells him hes on her radar, Proud gran of BGT winner Lost Voice Guy hails comedian as the "Yes I can" man, Jodie Turner-Smith and Joshua Jackson treat themselves to new car before baby, School in Americas wealthiest county infecting kids with race lessons as parents launch war on woke, Who is Drew Robinson's girlfriend Daiana Anguelova? Tears ran down his face. He held the phone in his right hand, the numbers 9-1-1 punched in. He tried to play cool. He was Renee and Darryl Robinson's youngest child. "I'm finding that this is way harder than playing baseball before because I have a new level of self-doubt. Drew coasted over, caught it and bounced it back to her. He does not. The outfield is a lonely place -- just you and what feels like an acre of grass, no safety net, nothing there for protection. "I'm free now," he says. For years, she has tried to remind herself that she's enough and wished those around her would do the same. He'll work out again, either in his garage or at the batting cages or at a field, before returning home to listen to music or watch TV or spend time with his family. Drew Robinson." He has spoken on podcasts and to small groups and found himself far more recognizable than he ever was as a member of the Texas Rangers and St. Louis Cardinals from 2017 to 2019. Ted Cruz Inspires Hilarious New Cancun Tourism Commercial, Courtesy of 'The Daily Show' (Video), Coronation Street fans spot 'really annoying' format change, Nico Tortorella Advocates to End Intersex Surgery: 'Change Your Hearts Not Our Parts', 'O Brother, Where Art Thou?' It had arrived an hour after the first. "Before I tell you what I'm going to tell you," Britney said, "just know that right now everything's OK.". There's no way. "It represents my new look on life," Drew says. In my head, I was like, 'What do you mean, you don't know why I like you?' At 3:57 p.m., a gurney carrying Drew was loaded for transport. "It's the first time he's ever said something like that. He's writing for the first time in his life. He made varsity at Silverado High School as a freshman, played some as a sophomore, hit a growth spurt before his junior year and turned into a prospect: 6-foot-1 with a powerful left-handed swing and the ability to play shortstop and the outfield -- the best player at Silverado since his brother. It's why his suicide attempt surprised everyone who knew him. A day later, April 17, around 4 p.m., I dialed 911 myself in an attempt to have my life saved. Both know not to look too far ahead. He placed the note on the most visible place possible, the kitchen counter. He apologized for the catawampus paint job. If you do not want us and our partners to use cookies and personal data for these additional purposes, click 'Reject all'. When he was in Las Vegas over the winter, Drew's support system insulated him. "I've definitely questioned myself and questioned what I'm doing, like if it's even real, if I'm a fake or if I'm a phony, because I still have those thoughts," Drew says. Britney told her boyfriend she needed to come over. Then, on March 12, COVID-19 shut down the baseball world. He would hide in cupboards, the washer and the dryer, anywhere he could contort his little body. 13 months after he lost his right eye in a suicide attempt, Drew Robinson 's home run on Tuesday night is just the latest miracle in his remarkable journey. PayPay | 195/65R15 91H 15-6J He was the older brother. Could This 'Frozen 2' Character Be Elsa's Girlfriend? Sign Up. The couple was set to marry shortly after Drew proposed to Daiana, but the wedding was called off because Robinson attempted suicide. I pushed myself away from her.". He wanted the place to be spotless, as clean as when he moved in. Drew spoke for about seven minutes. Such as: How did he live for nearly an entire day with a giant hole on the right side of his head, and another wound where the bullet exited on the left side, with no medical attention? The couple was no longer together after a devastating . To be better people.". He saw blood everywhere. She asked what happened. His family. Now the challenge was doing it at a real stadium, and the ball was climbing. She was on her front porch. He returned March 30 to pick it up. Drew proposed to Daiana shortly after he joined the St Louis Cardinals in December 2018. A few months after those first surgeries, on Sept. 3, Drew drove about 20 miles to his old neighborhood, near Magic Moment Lane, to visit Janet Chao, an ocularist who runs Prosthetics Advancement Lab. It was time. She brought the scraps to a jeweler, who made her a sturdier version she still enjoys 20 years later. Just so open and honest about how he's feeling instead of me wondering what's going on.". They want everything Drew says to be true, every smile to be real, every laugh to be genuine, every inspirational-poster-worthy chestnut to be rooted in reality and not another veneer. After two years of dating the couple split up. His family greeted him there. On July 29, he took the first whack at this new reality. Daiana's reminders were a salve. '", No. Maybe someone will want to keep it. Drew was a mascot and a punching bag, a tagalong and an annoyance, the archetypal little brother who just wanted attention and love. Though Drew's swing looked no different than it had when he was in the major leagues -- the aggressive bat waggle, the leg kick with a knee bent to nearly 90 degrees, the one-handed finish -- none of his previous 30 or so swings had yielded a home run. I think we all had this idea of a perfect family and things like that. He faced machines that threw curveballs and sliders, and he handled them fine. For Drew, it turns into a referendum. He thought of what it would be like to see them at the field again, to celebrate with a family that actually feels whole. He thanked Britney: for the collateral damage she took during the divorce, for being the glue of the family, for everything she'd done the previous two weeks and all the things he knew she'd do going forward. Doctors had worked wonders putting Drew back together physically. Born as the youngest of the three children of Renee and Darryl Robinson, he has six years older sister, Britney, and four-and-a-half years older brother, Chad. It could hiss right by him and skip to the wall, lending a little more credence to those who can't see what he's doing for what it is: a miracle. It's baseball. He peeled himself up and tried to brush his teeth. Because who would've thought that what I did last year on April 16th would've led me to all these new perspectives on things?". Drew proposed to Daiana shortly after he joined the St Louis Cardinals in December 2018. "One of the doctors that saved my life," Drew said. There wouldn't be any guaranteed money or a roster spot. He didn't have a glove; he had borrowed a friend's in high school. He reassured her that this wasn't her fault. As he ran down the first-base line, he cursed himself aloud. The Giants don't see Drew as a charity case; he's a part of the organization now. How she started to research suicide and thought about the method. She would give him something; he would return it. He grabbed his phone instead and walked toward his room. They talked for hours. And the phone call in which he asked Britney not to tell anyone. When Drew bought the ring, Renee and Darryl were divorcing. Chad, who was drafted by Milwaukee in 2006, set a near-impossible standard, and yet Drew considered anything short of it a failure. He dried off and collapsed on his bed. She did. "Not just physically but mentally and how brave he is to be doing what he's doing.". Robinson and his fiance Anguelova would marry on November 14, 2020. Daiana was there. "I can't take this dog." He had his own problems. "I'm stronger than what I thought I was. He never opened the door to the inside of the home. And at Las Vegas Ballpark, 2 miles physically and a million metaphorically from the house where he had tried to kill himself, Drew Robinson opened his glove and felt the ball settle into its pocket. AT JUST PAST 8 p.m. on April 16, Drew looked around, and he was confused. 1,190 Followers, 445 Following, 89 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from daiana anguelova (@daianaaa) daianaaa. To be what he always wanted and never could. And then, on 16 April 16, he attempted suicide. Log in or sign up for Facebook to connect with friends, family and people you know. They began dating and Daiana helped Drew get through all the negative thoughts every time he failed to reach the Majors. He decided he didn't want to die in his truck. It's an 18-year-old paying bills, managing disappointment, navigating politics, forging relationships -- figuring out how to live in a universe designed to weed out the weak. They locked eyes. When he looked in the mirror April 17, saw the hole in his head, realized his eyeball was in pieces and thought about baseball -- it wasn't fanciful. She was told Drew had requested the hospital divulge no details. '", Together, the Robinsons met with Dr. Shana Alexander, a clinical psychologist who is the Giants' employee assistance program director, for a family counseling session over Zoom. Robinson and his fiance Anguelova would marry on November 14, 2020. Drew went from one to the next until he met Daiana Anguelova. Drew Robinson, who lost his right eye in a suicide attempt in 2020, has made the opening day roster for the San Francisco Giants' Triple-A affiliate, the Sacramento River Cats, and could play as . He thought about the past 20 hours. He wanted to tell him personally: Drew had made the cut and would start the season in Triple-A. She told Drew she would swing by his house to get them. She did. Robinson met longterm best pal and on-and-off romantic partner Daiana Anguelova at Silverado High School, shortly before graduation. She reached out to Drews closest family and pals, asking them to send a video of anything they would like to say to Drew. But they got back together again and thrived ever since. ET on ESPN, and is available now on ESPN+. But even after he signed on with the San Francisco Giants in January 2020, his depression began to affect him and he called the wedding off. He'd missed them. "I tried to commit suicide last night, and I made it through. THEY WANT TO believe it. Chad joined friends in the outfield seats and crushed beers. Two days earlier, Drew had spent hours in a chair at Chao's office as she stared at his left eye and used oil paints and fine brushes to replicate its colors on the prosthesis. He received a $198,000 signing bonus. According to ESPN, he said:He was asking a mutual friend to sign his yearbook. It was completely supposed to happen. Everyone did. Drew Robinson started dating his girlfriend, Daiana Anguelova, in 2013. ", 'I'm meant to be alive': How Drew Robinson is learning to live. "I'm supposed to help people get through battles that don't seem winnable. When he asked if he could have Ellie, one of their goldendoodles, she said no. After Britney told him what she knew, Chad hung up, dialed the hospital and requested to be patched in to Drew Robinson's room. She reached out to Drews closest family and pals, asking them to send a video of anything they would like to say to Drew. Learn how to improve your self-care. He understands that antidepressant use is a treatment to balance his brain, the same way some people with diabetes regulate themselves with insulin. (3:00). We and our partners use cookies on this site to improve our service, perform analytics, personalize advertising, measure advertising performance, and remember website preferences. it said. It was supposed to happen. The couple was set to marry shortly after Drew proposed to Daiana, but the wedding was called off because Robinson attempted suicide. It was more than just trying to recapture his baseball glory. He has to combat the instinct to belittle himself, to extrapolate this tiny, inconsequential thing that to him feels like it means more -- that letting the soap slip makes him a failure and that having to pick it up makes him stupid. MovieTak - Showbiz | News | Gossips | Reviews | Interviews, Aryan Khans Advocate Mispronounces Arbaaz Merchant As, Richa Chadha Expresses Her Emotion On Working With Beau Ali Fazal, Calls It A, Madonna Highlights Brave New World As Shes Ready To Party The, Sung Kang Talks #JusticeForHan and Deckard Shaws Redemption in Fast &, OMG! They were afraid this might be an ambush. We don't notice the short, small victories. But as the days progressed and I can see how comfortable he was, I felt relief he could enjoy the moment and not have to stress. Some were thinking of family or friends lost to suicide. It continued across the orbital wall and through the ethmoid sinuses, the hollow areas around the nose. Drew would have to navigate the harsh learning curve on his own.