Cover your daughter and her husband with generous . Thats still not OK. More my daughter is a student and is not working right now, so i don't have her paying. Try to get him to nix the assignments things (because, I mean, UGH) and remind him that shes only TWELVEshell eventually grow out of the fangirldom. Most of which are tucked away out of sight. Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. Addie Pray Making your kids do shit they dont necessarily like a lot is just life. Also, I want to tell an awesome story about my dad. When you think you know what to expect or how to deal with them, they change the rules, seemingly arbitrarily. When children become teenagers, they sometimes start to distance themselves from their parents. He wants her to watch history and science shows with him, and go hiking, camping and backpacking. I would let him know that you are going to encourage her to hangout with him more, but he needs to also every once in a while do something she loves. I mean, people always try to paint themselves in the best possible light and their opponent in the worst. Why is my husband driving my daughter away?. He is clearly not getting the message. PostedOctober 22, 2014 Youve talked about this over and over and your husband still interrupts your conversations because they annoy him? 2. Its important to remember that it is not always your fault if your partner and child dont get along. And LW, just because there is communicating going on around you doesnt mean that your family has good, healthy, communication. Maybe shell end up in the entertainment industry, or become a writer. Parent first, friend second. As a mum who has exactly the same issue, I cant help but feel that this advice missed the point. Your well-intended desires to connect in rational and predictable ways gave way to superstitious behaviors: "If I just pay close enough attention to all the previous interactions, I can control the outcome by doing everything just right. Like making sure the sun comes up by accurately participating in the correct rituals. But in general, I lol at people who spit on the nerdy stuff. For my husband he has to do all the driving. If you are involved with a crazy-making partner, dont think youre alone. And also, him treating her with respect and letting her know he values her, well that will also help shape her future relationships where she will know she deserves to be respected, valued and loved. That being said, its important to have fun hobbies, and I agree with their is a balance. The dad cant have it both ways being rude while demanding respect and attention. Addressing issues with the person whos causing the problem is just a good habit to get into, you know? You just have to learn to ignore that. My family was big on card games and board games, but my dad didnt participate much, which bummed me out. Think of it this way: the car insurance typically follows the car, not the driver. Its great to have an involved parent, but its also good to take a step back and take time for yourself and your marriage. I definitely DONT think my experience and this familys are similar. Extend invitations on appropriate occasions. He's been this way for some time, so I suspect he will not change quickly nor easily. And disparaging his daughters interests is the absolute wrong way to go about that. I just have to say, I have NEVER felt comfortable choosing what to watch on tv if Im in the same room as my dad because I know he thinks 95% of what Id want to watch is annoying. In that instance, it is terrible timing and the dad should have listened to Indie when he came in in an emergency and the dad should have helped then and done the latin lesson later, but if that was a normal day home from scouting, then good for dad, because indie totally used that information later in life, even though it was annoying (and seemingly aloof) of his dad to be so demanding. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Of course the fights will get worse as she challenges boundaries and pushes back against his authority. Obviously, this is as much your husbands job as it is yours, but right now it seems hes threatened by the bond you share with your daughter and is acting childish. Ive been following you for years and while I dont always agree with your answers I think this was the most misguided and off the mark. Unless its, you know, the lastest Madonna tour or album . His ambition and strong work ethic filled you with admiration. My first question is, would he want you to go with them when they go camping/hiking/whatever? July 2, 2013, 12:15 pm. Another possibility is that her husband doesnt understand how to connect with his daughter on an emotional level. The LWs husband sounds like my father. THIS is the problem, not the fact that a 12-year-old girl likes 12-year-old girl things. And then it was like ok, you dont have to do that (not that I ever DID have to, I wanted to go, and then discovered it sucked). I mean freak out and force your kid to read something if they cant, not if you dont like that they choose to read Harry Potter in their free time. July 2, 2013, 3:39 pm. and hes an attorney, and Im sure the rest of the family wants to stab us). And I dont think that tv shows a mature, intelligent adult would watch necessarily means they are good shows to watch. Anyway, a person shouldnt be forced to read something they find boring, but I think that its reasonable for the dad to try to encourage that so that she grows up knowing theres stuff outside of her pop culture interests. I think she may have deactivated. Im doing everything I can to make things work between us. If the emotional and sexual connections were rewarding, you may have been intrigued by the Houdini-like escape pattern. Choose a moment when he seems relaxed and talk with him about your worries. You are the only one who knows whats best for you and your family. How do I say this to her without hurting her feelings? Yeah the dictating that she cant even listen to songs sometimes in the car is way over the top. Or even more fun than you would. Did I always do things he would agree with necessarily? He went to jail for beating up his new wife and hurting her little boy. The thing is, what the father is doing is rude. My mom and I were not friends like this, and she let my dads bullying escalate to keep the peace. Right, but it didnt seem, to me, like Jennifer was allowing for that distinction. Its great that the LW naturally shares so much with her daughter, but the girl needs to spend time with her father as well, even if it doesnt seem like the most interesting thing at the time. Hes not interested in that because that would require work and compromise on his part. Courts take action when substance use, in the form of alcohol and illicit drugs, and/or misuse of prescription drugs actually hinders a parent's ability to care for their children or when the parent poses a danger to the children's well-being. Things they like, things they sorta like, things they dont like. The How I Met Your Father star welcomed her son, Luca, with ex-husband Mike Comrie in 2012. Same with the radio in the car I like country or musicals, he cant stand it, theres no way Id put that on. If anything, his dislike for it will help it belong to her more fully as she learns to separate herself from her parents. And my dad is a veritable warehouse of rocknroll trivia when a new song came on, hed often share a fact he knew about the band (Did you know Rush is a three-person band, and that the bassist is the lead singer?), or tell us about a concert he went to in his youth (hes been on stage with Ozzy, yall, close enough to see the O-Z-Z-Y tattooed across his knuckles), or quiz me and my brother to see if we knew who the band was or what the song was. For every outing he chooses and she doesnt like, they should also choose something together that they can both enjoy (for example, shes into Star Trek and hes into science, so go to a space museum). but this might be the best Ive ever read here. Mother of a Fangirl. I was afraid the BS stood for something else. These dreams can also give you advice about what you need to do to steer your life in the direction you would like it to go. But it was annoying. She played Meribor (spelling.) If you have any concerns that your husband is driving your daughter away, be sure to talk to him about it. And my fingers are still crossed for you , kerrycontrary Also, help them find a mutual interest. Hopefully, when he sees that it's his entire family that is worried, he'll see that change is needed. Heck yeah. The whole time I was reading the letter, I was thinking, Shit if he acts like this toward his daughter, how does he treat his wife? His father worked out of town 5 days a week and was hunting on the weekends during hunting season, so my husband would see him maybe one day a week. Terms & Conditions . This can look like moving to a far away place, convincing you your. A little . June 30, 2022 by Team The Relationship Notes. Too little time to post! Ooh, that was common ground for my dad and sisters and I. Mini golf. A father-daughter relationship is one of the most important relationships a girl can have. It seems way more acceptable to be a nut for sports but if you watch Buffy? I just told her she wasnt allowed to ramble off all the names of plants/flowers unless I specifically ask as I really dont care (it would be like me telling her sports stats all day). Express your love and offer your help as opportunities arise. And, as I am sure you know from previous experience, exploding doesn't make anything better. I dont comment a lot but wanted to say I often like your comments. It should open up LWs eyes to the reality of the situation. We were forced to have shockingly good table manners and we shook hands with adults from the age of three. I intervene and quieten things down when I can, but it's not easy and I am at the point of wondering whether it's all worth the effort. LW, your daughter sounds awesome. Haha, are you saying I should stop saying that listening to Taylor Swift on repeat is annoying? These 8 tips are from my experience and may point out things you probably don't know are pushing your husband away and destroying your marriage. That doesnt mean you cant enjoy shared interests together, but just do so as mother and daughter, not BFFs. And who knows how their relationship might blossom if you and your husband would only make nurturing it more of a priority. And something about him wanting the daughter to be more competitive just struck me the wrong way. Wendy, I too got the us against him mentality from this LW. Theres something to be said for respecting other peoples interests and personalities. I went to on a three week roadtrip with her last spring (LA to New Orleans) a year ago in January And then we went to Bali for two weeks. It struck me the wrong way, too. Thats unfortunate (to say the least! Im a mom of a 14 yr old version of this LWs daughter mine is going to One Direction on Thursday, and will be spending all of Wednesday and Thursday both preparing for this epic event. But those are not her interests right now, although she does participate when he asks her to. What To Do When My Husband Is Driving My Daughter Away? Obviously the ex spent a lot of time with his family (20 years) as they had a lot of gatherings. July 3, 2013, 2:36 pm. Hes let me know so many times that when hes had a hard day, he loves a home-cooked meal, watching his favorite show, going to sleep, and then making love in the morning. Its her birthday today So Im taking her out for a steak dinner and then were going to watch fireworks (which she has decided the city has put on for her). Their partners also need to understand that most of the sabotaging behavior is not only unintended but carries significant grief and guilt with it. While I do agree that you should be encouraging your daughter to share your husbands interests with him (and that includes showing an interest yourself), LW, I think a lot of this falls onto your husband doing kind of a crappy job at parenting. Its tough when you realize that your husband and daughter dont get along. She may also believe that by getting divorced, youll finally be able to find the happiness that you deserve. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,100],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',135,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3-0');Here are some things you can do: Its not always easy to find the right balance between your spouse and your child, but it is possible. I was all set to like this until you said shes only TWELVEshell eventually grow out of the fangirldom. Why is it not ok for adults to like these shows?? It's as though he can't stop himself from being dictatorial, negative or critical, and all this has done is drive them away. lets_be_honest But am I mad at her now? only in his mind is one of the most well-written and saddest things ever produced on television. YUCK. 2. Exposure to anything is great for children. Get out the frying pan. July 2, 2013, 12:30 pm. She gets too invested in her daughters life. He is also very critical of both of us, but particularly of her lack of competitiveness (she hates team sports, and takes archery and piano but only for fun), lack of initiative, and being uninformed, to the extent that he gives her assignments, like reading articles from National Geographic and discussing them with him, which, of course, she resents. Do not let that behavior continue. Additionally, she may worry that if you stay together, shell have to deal with the same unhappy marriage later on in her own life.
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