Ask her anything! 191. A clock roach. One Of The Best Long Jokes For Adults. What has four wheels and flies? Whats with this? Haloumi! Before, he did a quick internship at AMII and worked as a Wolt courier (in other words, before Bored Panda, he never had a real job). How do ice hockey players stay cool? What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? 37. Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults 21. Do you know how fast you were going? The police officer says.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); The Muslim man responds angrily, I had no f***ing clue officer!, The cop, surprised, looks at the Muslim man in the eyes and says, What did you just say ta me?, The Muslim man apologizes: Im sorry officer, its Ramadan and Ive been fasting. 47. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. The first hunter says, Wow, thats some hole; I cant even see the bottom. How do you make a water bed bouncier? He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse? 252. A spelling bee. 239. 141. Dia-purrs! Last year you suggested Bahamas and darned if Earlene didnt get pregnant again., Dale asks Billy Bob, So, what you gonna do this year thats different?Im taking Earlene with me.. 265. Market research. "Why are you here again? Watch while I prove it to you.". Because the bed wont go to you! I was once passing through a town in England when this lady stopped me because she needed help fixing her car that had broken down. Did you hear about the witch that went into the desert? Why did the melon jump into the lake? The man asked the barber to give his son a haircut while he shopped for groceries nearby. "His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs. He eventually makes his way over to the bear.The bear immediately tells him, "You look exhausted. What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? After a few hours, the house painters came back for the payment as their work was complete. A tomato in an elevator. A pork chop. What did one plate say to the other? 2. I think she could be right.Saul replied enthusiastically, Well done! 294. An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. Dad smacks the little boy and admonishes him for swearing and sends him back into his room. Why did the painting go to jail? What do you give to a sick lemon? An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Better yet, you'll have plenty of fresh material guaranteed to keep the gang in stitches for weeks to come. A meow-tain. 224. Namaste. What do sea monsters eat? The vendor takes the money and begins helping the next customer. There was de-Brie everywhere. Why did the poor man stock up on yeast? She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. Because he was a little shellfish. I think Im going to go to college.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_4',618,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_5',618,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-618{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); From hosting a shrimp boil, celebrating holidays, making homemade scratch art paper, sewing gifts and throwing parties to cooking delicious food, you will find it all here at Skip To My Lou. Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? ", This is the type of kid who will become a powerful investor or banker someday! What is an astronauts favorite key on a keyboard? Whats the stinkiest planet? Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about. After an hour he loses his patience and yells, "Putin is to blame for this I'm going to the Kremlin and I will get rid of him!". It was beat. ""Yes," sighs the husband. Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? Why was there a bug in the computer? Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin. Teacher Appreciation Ideas 100s of the Best Ideas, Over 300 FUNNY Jokes to Make You Laugh! ", A redneck's father passed away in his sleep. Youre nuts! - You take 'em to the old Volk's home. There is a skeleton in our neighborhood who always knows that something bad might happen way before it actually happens. Igloos it together. Whats the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? They GoPro! What do planets sing in a choir? 211. ", As a group of robbers entered the bank, their leader went to the manager and asked him to open the vault. How do celebrities stay cool? My friend once called a few house painters to his house for some work. 267. ", A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries. How did the barber win the race? 172. Two young salmon are swimming along one day. What do you call a fake noodle? 2. Carl had a big swollen nose.Whoa, what happened, Carl?, Max asked.I sniffed a brose, Carl replied.What?, Max said. Talk is cheap? A flying saucerer. Now whats your final question?. Ten-tickles. Hello, 2023! 276. They spray the rabbit with the bottle, and it comes back to life. Whats a cats favorite color? You will be able to keep friends and family laughing with this long list of the best jokes! !Man, that sentence was way too long. 163. Why did the melon jump into the lake? Then why not share them with your friends? There was nothing left but de Brie. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Never mind, I shouldnt spread it! Seeing the historians alarmed, the mummy said that he just wanted to listen to some music. But, we all know how these situations tend to go - if you need to remember an entertaining story that has actually happened to you, your mind goes blank, and now the moment to shine is missed. Whats a pirates favorite county? It needed help figuring out its problems. , "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher.After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. From what I remember, Bubba said, I stood up and said, Sure, Im game.. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. 159. 122. The letter V! Is it mine or the machines?". 2. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? A comedi-hen! Where do cows go for entertainment? 63. Best One-Liner Dad Jokes "I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now." "A guy walks into a bar.and he was disqualified from the limbo contest." "You think swimming with sharks is expensive? I can even do it with my eyes closed. That way they can both watch wrestling. Let's be honest - dirty jokes can be a hit or a miss. Did you hear the one about the dull pencil? Then it dawned on me. What did the clock ask the watch? Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Impractical Jokers on 9th season, funniest joke gone wrong, Valentine's Day jokes that prove humor is the way to the heart, Father's Day jokes and puns to tell dad on his day, Funny Thanksgiving jokes for kids and adults. Well, a variety of dizzyingly charming topics, for starters! What did one eye say to the other? 8 / 75 Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com Knock! 117. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" Yep! She has lost all her matches!". Aw shucks! 45. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. ", Two young salmon are swimming along one day. ", A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.. What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? The globus. ", "Make me one with everything," says the Buddhist to the tofu hot dog vendor. Why are the Irish so wealthy? His wife asked what was wrong, didnt he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence? Sounds great, said the health-conscious boy. People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front. Wondering what is was for, he joined it. Whats the best way to woo a math teacher? Mother's Day. Get me a beer! She gets very frustrated. It's too far to walk. The reception was amazing. Because pepper water makes them sneeze. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. Climbing out of the wreckage, one redneck said to the other, Do you know where we are?, I think so, replied the other redneck. The boy shocked us by saying, "That man was not my father. A year later, theres another knock at the door. Why was the math book sad? Two redneck farmers are leaning over a farm gate when gorgeous girl pulls up in her Mercedes. What does a baby computer call its father? 89. My grief counselor died. Arrrrgh-entina! What's a cat's favorite dessert? Yeah, he replies, but at least he let go of Bubba!, A redneck sees another redneck carrying a bag. Why should you never trust stairs? Leave the pizza in the oven. 284. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. "Don't you mean big pause? The Best Funny Dreadlock Jokes | Funniest Jokes Topics Dad Jokes Dark Humour Memes Top Jokes Make your own meme Topics Dreadlock Jokes Related Posts Grape Jokes Family Jokes Taco Jokes Leave a Reply You must be logged in to post a comment. With a cow-culator. ", A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. Two redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. What do you call a group of disorganized cats? As long as you think it's an entrance, it'll continue to hurt. The mosquito replied, "Yeah, I know. 127. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Watching a fish bowl. When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend. 167. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What did the traffic light say to the traffic light? Watch while I prove it to you. The next morning Dad is making breakfast and the first little boy drifts into the kitchen. ", A guy asks a lawyer about his fees.I charge $50 for three questions, the lawyer says.Thats awfully steep, isnt it?, the guy asks.Yes, I suppose so, the lawyer replies. 266. How did the pig get to the hogspital? 5 ", 400 passengers but only 200 meals were loaded onto a flight from Delhi to New York City. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child? 23 Did you hear about the new 3 million dollar Tennessee State Lottery? "I've been here only 20 minutes!". Whats the most famous fish? Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! The Dreadful Diva. Whats a potatos favorite form of transportation? When is a door not a door? ", My boss was honest with me today. 271. The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?! Whats the most musical part of the chicken? Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? 261. The librarian politely told him that he was in a library. "The vendor replies, "Change comes from within.". We charge only for the potatoes., My daughter brought a friend from school and she said his great-great-great-great-grandfather was coming to pick him up later. People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front. 164. The alarmed waiter rushes over and says, "Well Sir, it was freshly ground coffee! I'll never forget my dad's face when I gave him his 50th birthday card, tears in his eyes, as he said to me, 'One . ", A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.The art collector replied, Ive had an awful day; lets hear the good news first.The attorney said, Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. A couple of hours into the flight she nervously announced, "Ladies and gentleman; we don't know how this happened, but we have over 400 people on board, but only 200 dinners. ", My nagging wife died suddenly on a trip to Jerusalem.